DON'T WANNA WAKE UP!

(calling out) "Yes babe, I'm almost ready"

I hold my 119th outfit up to my body on a hanger as I stare into the mirror not really sure what to look for! I don't know if I'm looking at color, fabric, the way the dress hangs, the neckline... hell, I don't even care if it's wrinkled!! But I'm a lady now! I'm an icon, everyone's looking at me as soon as I step out of the door. Mutha fucka, I'm IT!!! I smile! Not because I'm satisfied with my outfit but thinking about where I was just 9 months ago in March of 2011. Heart broken, sad, feeling lonely, hurt, unable to communicate, prideful, crying everyday, trying to escape, could hardly focus... I was A MESS! I remember that I took a month tour around the country to try and forget, let go... not really sure what the hell I was doing!! Not sure it even worked! I smile because my baby and I talked and are happier than ever now! My song was a huge success over the summer and my independent movie was great Hustle and Flow type buzz. The film would be in time for Oscar consideration! It's December now and I've decided to buy the house I've always wanted for us on the Venice Beach canals in CA! This is where we reside and are preparing for a big New Year party. It couldn't get any better than this! The biggest worry I have in my life now (especially bc I still refuse to hire a stylist...too many people around and I can't enjoy the process of getting all dressed up and being in MY own head b4 the chaos!) issss (drumroll please!!) I still don't know what to wear!!! I've been looking at clothes so long, I forgot where I was going!

(callling out) "Babbbe, warm up the car and I'll be out in less than 5 (whispering to myself) shit!

Oh yes, "go with your first mind Davetta." I remember always hearing that so I quickly throw on my first outfit choice, remember that my favorite black red bottoms (a gift... cause I don't think I'd ever buy them) shoes are at the front door, run downstairs, take my last sip of wine, put on my lipgloss as I set the alarm and race through the door. Before I get in the car, I take notice that it's a beautiful night, I'm with a beautiful person and I'm thankful that there's no pappara---- damn!! spoke to soon.... just legally over and through the bushes...!!

THEM: "DavettaDavettaDavetta"

ME: Hey ya'll

THEM: Where ya'll headed this evening?

ME: I'm sure you already know

THEM: You Look STUNNING!

ME: (feeling good about my outfit choice) Thank you! So do you guys!!

I get in the car and they meet us at the bottom of our driveway...! All we can do is smaile, laugh and be grateful. This is a part of the dream. I Just DONT WANNA WAKE UP!

I mean, I'm not tryna die just yet either! It's just that for the last 4 or 5 days my dreams have been more vivid than ever. I even wake up in my dreams and hope that when I actually open my eyes... it's real. I force myself back to sleep in case it IS only a dream!

We arrive at this beautiful mansion that's beautifully lit with christmas style white lights all over the house and garden. We hand car keys off to the valet and lock hands. We are an IT couple and our pictures are being taken every step of the way. We hear, "Theyyy'reeee Heeerrreee!!" I yell back, "We'reeeeee Herrreeeee" trying to mimic Oprah's voice. She grabs me away from my love and says, "Before any of this gets really started good, I gotta tell you something..." she rushes me to a bedroom in the back. Im grateful that my partner can work that party with or without me! I proud that there's a confidence now... I'll be back to the party before ya know it!

There's more to the story and the dreams etc. I just keep waking up with the flying rock in the pit of my stomach that I like to optimistically call a fat ASS butterfly!!